Table for five Page 17

  “That contradicts Mr. Holloway’s document, which, unlike his ex-wife’s, is dated, signed and properly filed,” said Mr. Logan. “The designated guardian is supposed to be agreed upon by both parents, and since that didn’t happen, we expect the court to rule for the father’s wishes.”

  Lily knew the devastation was still stark in her eyes as she lifted them to look around the table. No one even seemed to notice that she was there except Sean Maguire. He was watching her with an intensity that made her shiver.

  She ignored him and tried to focus during the rest of the proceedings. Ms. Fuller delivered a preliminary financial disclosure that seemed to take everyone but Red by surprise. Sorting through the rhetoric and studying the columns of numbers, Lily realized Derek was up to his eyeballs in debt. Crystal was in nearly as deep. With the extravagant lifestyle they’d enjoyed both before and after the divorce, they had managed to spend even more than Derek’s considerable earnings. No one said it aloud, but everyone knew that in layman’s terms, this meant they were close to broke.

  Red looked around the table. “Professional golf is a heartless game. You can make a million dollars one year and the next year get zilch.”

  There was a long explanation of the provisions of Derek’s insurance policy and how the bequests would work in the absence of actual cash, but Lily didn’t listen. She had other things on her mind, and when the meeting ended, she went straight to Susie Shea. “I should be taking care of the children, not Maguire,” she stated without preamble. Just like that. The decision had come to her swiftly, not really a decision so much as a compulsion. She had made a conscious choice to be alone all her life. Now she was choosing to end that isolation.

  “Maybe Maguire has an opinion about that,” he stated, his tone hostile. “Maybe Maguire’s opinion is that you should butt out.”

  “For the time being,” said Ms. Shea, “Mr. Maguire is the designated guardian. However, Mr. Maguire, I hope you understand that Miss Robinson means a great deal to the Holloway children.”

  “I’m not going to run her off, if that’s what you’re asking, but someone needs to be in charge, and that’s me.”

  Ms. Shea nodded and stepped aside to consult with the lawyers.

  Lily bristled as she faced Sean. She wanted to understand what drove this man, but the two of them were worlds apart, united only by their compassion for the children. “I don’t think you’re considering the long term. This is a huge commitment.”

  “You think I don’t know that?”

  “They’re in a post-trauma situation and just getting them through that is going to take an enormous effort,” she said. “While they’re dealing with that, life doesn’t simply stop and wait for them. There are school issues, potty training and tantrums, illness, puberty, and you never get time off for good behavior. This is a life sentence.”

  “Gee, you make it sound like a real picnic.”

  “This is not about having fun.”

  He chuckled, but his eyes were flinty with anger. “Oh, that’s classic. ‘This is not about having fun.’” He did a wicked imitation of Lily.

  She stifled a gasp of outrage. “I’m just trying to make clear to you—”

  “That fun is out of the question?”

  “That our priority is the children.”

  “Let’s see. Which of us is better for them? You, because you’ll make sure they go to bed on time every night, or me, because I’m not afraid to let them learn that life can be fun again? Let’s ask Dr. Sachs.” He took out his cell phone.

  She didn’t know what possessed her to touch him. She put her hand on his arm. “They need us both.”

  He looked at her hand, then at her. Self-conscious, she moved away.

  “Tell me why you’re so fired up to step in and raise these kids,” he said.

  “Because it’s what Crystal wanted. Because I’d do a good job.” She spoke with unthinking swiftness and vehemence. “I made a promise.”

  He folded his arms across his chest. “I’m not hearing you say you want this,” he pointed out.

  “I want what’s best for these children.” Suddenly the life she thought she had, the future she’d planned for herself, looked completely different. Her palms were sweating, though she resisted the urge to wipe them on her skirt. “I’m sure you want that, too, Sean. I know you care about them, but that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice everything—”

  “It wouldn’t be a sacrifice. It would be…living. Doing what people do all over the world, raising a family and getting through the day. It’s common sense that the kids need stability and consistency, and since Derek’s will is clear on the point of guardianship, that means they’re staying with me.”

  “I should raise them.” Even as she said the words, her blood froze in trepidation. Say yes, she thought, and then, please say no. Lily drew herself up. She’d been knocked out of the way by Derek’s will, which left his unsuitable brother as guardian. It wasn’t right. “I’m serious,” she said. “And you know I’m right.”

  “My brother had another opinion.”

  “Just because he chose you doesn’t mean you’re the most suited.”

  “Just because you’ve known them longer and have a frigging degree in education doesn’t mean you are,” he shot back. “Besides, I’ve got something else, Lily.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “I’m not afraid. And you are.”

  Even as a denial leaped to her lips, she felt something cold and dark reverberate inside her like iron struck with a mallet. How had he known? Could he smell fear like a predator?

  Lily turned away and went over to the water cooler, trying to compose herself as she filled a cone-shaped paper cup and took a sip. He’d nailed the truth; she was afraid. She had built her life up around her like a wall, barricading her heart against hurt. She had never, ever planned to have a family. It was a conscious choice. She wanted her life to be her own, wanted to be free to go where she pleased and do what she wished, answering to no one. Taking on three children would change that irrevocably.

  Ah, but look what it could give you, whispered Crystal’s voice in her ear. Some things are more important than being afraid.

  “We’re wasting time arguing about this,” Sean said. “I need to get home. The kids deserve to know what’s going on. They love you, Lily, and if you show them that you have any doubts about this situation, they’ll know. Is that what you want?”

  They love you, Lily. The words shuddered through her. “I want them to feel safe and secure.”

  “My brother trusted me with these kids. Whatever you and Crystal might have thought of him, he was a caring father. I’m not going to let him down.”

  She crumpled the paper cup in her hand and dropped it into the wastebasket. “There’s no money. You understand that, right?”

  “Hey, I’m a dumb jock, but I can add and subtract.” He loosened his tie and glared at her. “You’re starting to piss me off. No, I take that back. You’ve already pissed me off a number of times today.”

  She glared up at him. “You’ve made me angry today, too.”

  “Pissed, Lily. The word is pissed.” He spoke so loudly that heads turned in their direction.

  Her cheeks burned. “How mature of you. That will probably go into the report to the probate judge.”

  “What, that you have a way of pissing people off?” He offered a disarming smile despite his words. “Let’s end this discussion and go see the kids.”

  “This discussion is not over.”

  “Yeah, it is. You’re off the hook. You can go home now. I’m not going to walk away from this.”

  “You’ve walked away from everything else in your life,” Lily pointed out. “Crystal told me so. She said you walked away from your career.”

  “We’re talking about kids here, not a career. You don’t walk away from kids. I won’t be perfect at this but I’ll put everything I’ve got into it.”

  She drew herself up, already thinking of a countera
rgument. Then his words sank in and her shoulders relaxed a little. “Good answer.”

  chapter 23

  “Lily and I have news,” Sean announced to Cameron and Charlie when they arrived home. He tried to sound positive and upbeat. That was what the social worker and the counselor advised him to do. Sound positive and upbeat without denying the tragedy. Reassure the children that life would go on and things would get better.

  Like they could get any worse. What was worse than being a kid and losing both parents on the same day?

  Sean had been an adult when his mother died five years ago, and he still bled from that wound. One of the last things she’d said to Sean had always puzzled him. She told him to fall in love, settle down, make a family. “It’s what you were made for, more than any of us.” Over the past five years, he’d done his best to ignore that advice. Now, looking at his nieces and nephew, he thought of her. She’d always had a great sense of humor.

  “Hi, Lily,” said Ashley, playing with a plastic spatula on the floor by her feet.

  “So what’s the news?” Cameron asked, his arms tightly folded across his middle.

  “We had a meeting with your mom’s and your dad’s lawyers today to read their wills. They both left you pretty much everything they possessed.”

  “Everything?” Charlie’s eyes goggled.

  “Almost. Your dad left me his golf clubs, and there were bequests to Red, Travis, Grandpa and some others. And your mom remembered her mother and Lily, here.” Good old Lily, he thought. He was still ticked off by the things she’d said to him, challenging his fitness to take care of this family. It was like she wanted to undermine his confidence.

  She offered a hard-won smile. “Your mother wanted me to have her clothes. She was always after me to dress more fashionably, you know.”

  “And that’s all?” Charlie asked. “That’s absolutely all? There wasn’t anyone else who gets something?”

  “Not that I recall.” Sean looked at Lily. “You?”

  “I think that covers it.”

  “Phew.” Charlie slumped back against the sofa cushion.

  “Is there someone else who should have been mentioned?” Sean asked.

  “Nope, not at all, no way,” Charlie said immediately.

  She was a funny little thing, Sean reflected. In a lot of ways, his niece was hard to know. Cameron glared at her and mouthed something Sean couldn’t discern. She stuck her tongue out at him.

  “So are we getting placed in foster homes or what?” Cameron asked.

  “Of course not,” said Sean.

  “Why would you think such a thing?” asked Lily.

  “We’re in the foster-care system. I was wondering if we’d be farmed out to foster parents.”

  Charlie’s chin trembled. “I don’t want to be in foster care.”

  “Your brother’s full of sh—crap,” Sean said. He tried to be patient with Cameron’s attitude, but it was hard. “Nobody’s going to farm you out anywhere. You’re going to live with me. Or actually, it would be more accurate to say, I’m going to live with you. Right here in this house.”

  It felt surreal to be saying it. Sean had gone from having no one but himself to having a house in the suburbs and three kids. He couldn’t quite get his mind around that. Like Lily said, this was a life sentence.

  “Is Lily still going to sleep in the guest room?” Charlie asked.

  “She’s not staying, genius,” said Cameron.

  “You’re not?” Pigtails flying, Charlie whipped her head around to face Lily.

  “I can’t, sweetheart,” Lily said. “But I promise I’ll be here for you. I’ll see you at school every day, and I’ll come on the nights when your uncle is working.”

  Sean let out the breath he’d been holding. They’d gone over something called a preliminary parenting plan with the social worker. Sean could tell Lily wasn’t happy with the arrangement, but she didn’t let the kids know how she felt. That was the thing about Lily. She definitely put the kids first. He knew she was furious about the terms of the will, yet for the sake of these kids, she was keeping her disapproval to herself.

  “Who’ll take care of us when we go to Dad’s?” asked Charlie.

  “We’re not going to Dad’s, moron,” said Cameron. “He’s not there. Don’t you get it?”

  “Hey,” Sean told him. “That’s enough.”

  Charlie hung her head.

  “Look, we’re going to make this work,” Sean said, but no one was listening because Ashley chose that moment to flip the waist-level switch of the garbage disposal. The buzz of the machine startled her into wide-eyed silence. Then her face crumpled like a wadded-up Kleenex and she let out one of those armor-piercing howls.

  Everyone in the room went for her—Sean, Lily, Cameron and even Charlie—all desperate to console her. Sean reached her first, scooping her against him. Around midweek, she’d decided he was all right and now let him hold her whenever he wanted. She clung to him and eventually the fearful sobs shuddered into silence. Then she pushed her fists against his chest and looked him in the eye.

  “Da,” she said.

  An eerie sensation crept over him. “Uncle Sean. That’s my name. Can you say it? Un-cle Sean.”

  “Da,” she said again, and stuck her thumb in her mouth.

  Charlie came into Cameron’s room late that night, looking scruffy and a little lost in their mother’s nightgown, her eyes wide in an expression he would have laughed at if he hadn’t recognized the terrible fear she was feeling.

  “What’s the matter?” he asked. “What are you doing up?”

  “It’s about Ashley,” Charlie said in a small, frightened voice.

  Oh, man. Not Charlie, too. Who else knew about this?

  Cameron felt sorry for her so he put his arm around her and hugged her close. She felt warm and solid against him and her hair smelled of baby shampoo.

  “What about her?” he made himself ask, even though he knew. God, he knew and he was getting just as scared as Charlie.

  “Mom said dad isn’t Ashley’s father. She said Ashley has another father.”

  Cameron took a deep breath. What was he supposed to do, tell the kid their mother was a liar or let her know she’d slept around?

  “When did she say that?”

  “After spring break. She was all mad that dad took us to California.”

  A cold fist squeezed Cameron’s gut. “Did she say that to Dad?”

  “No. Just me. She, um, she was sad and mad and there was nobody else to talk to.”

  She’d probably had a bottle of wine that night, like the night she’d told Cameron. Anger at his mother burned like acid in his stomach. It did no good at all to feel pissed at his parents anymore, but sometimes he couldn’t help himself.

  “There’s probably some mistake,” Cameron said. “You heard it wrong. She didn’t mean anything.”

  “She told me,” Charlie said. “People think I’m stupid but I’m not. She said Ashley has another daddy and I’m scared he’s going to come and take her away.”

  Cameron was afraid of that, too. “The most important thing is to keep quiet. It’s just a story and you’ll only cause trouble if you say something.”

  “I won’t tell,” she whispered.

  “You don’t need to. Nobody’s going to take her away,” he vowed, putting his other arm around her. Saying so made him feel the way he always felt—he didn’t even know whether or not he was telling the truth.

  Charlie sobbed so hard that she choked, so he hugged her again. “Hey,” he said, rubbing her back through the silky, too-big nightgown that still had their mother’s scent. “Hey, try to calm down, okay?”

  “I try that all the time, but I want them, Cam. I have to talk to them and hug them. I miss them so much.” She seemed to be having trouble breathing between sobs.

  “I miss them, too.” He stroked her hair. In a way, Charlie was luckier than he was. Her feelings for their parents were simple and clear. She adored and worshipped t
hem. Even the fact that she knew something was up with Ashley didn’t tinge her adoration. When she remembered them, she would think only of their perfection, not their flaws.

  Cameron, on the other hand, was old enough to know his parents were human and very flawed. Still, he found himself wishing he hadn’t had that stupid fight with his father on what turned out to be their last morning together. He wished he’d been more sympathetic to his mother when she broke down and told him about Ashley.

  “I need them, Cam,” Charlie whispered against his chest. “I need them to come back.”

  “Yeah,” he said, his voice gravelly, his eyes stinging. “Me, too.”

  chapter 24

  Sean regarded the splat of Gerber oatmeal on the kitchen wall, then glared at his younger niece. “Everybody’s a critic,” he said.

  She glared right back. “It’s yuck.”

  “Eat the damned oatmeal,” he snapped.

  She gasped audibly, as though he’d struck her, then burst into tears. “It’s yuck,” she sobbed. “It’s yuck.”

  “Aw, come on, Ashley,” he said pleadingly. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.” But she was lost to him, lost in a world of misery. “Damn it,” he muttered.

  “Damn it,” she howled. Before he could stop her, she flung another spoonful of oatmeal. This time it hit him smack in the face, the lukewarm cereal sliding down his cheek.

  Ashley went silent, her teary eyes wide with apprehension. She was only two, but she knew what naughty was.